Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Happy Birthday to Me

My birthday was last weekend.  And I get a little down every year on my birthday.  I don't know if I've ever told anyone that before, because it seems stupid.  So every year, I just feel sad and stupid.  When you are young, everyone makes such a big deal out of your birthday.  Party, presents, cake, friends and family.  Especially when you are a twin - twice the party.  I'm not sure when it happens - but slowly, over time, turning one year older ceases to be so exciting.  But I still have this romanticized idea about how special and magical my birthday should be.  So I always get disappointed when it doesn't measure up.  I have never really analyzed this, because it seems too selfish and small; but this year I gave it a deeper look.  You see, my love language is gifts (if you haven't read Gary Chapman's book on this subject, I would highly recommend it).  People always seem suprised by this - as if it's unchristian for gifts to mean "love" to me.  Let me explain what that means for me:  I feel most loved when someone has thought about me when we aren't together.  This doesn't have to translate into big, expensive gifts (although I don't turn those down).  It can be as simple as writing me a note, sending me a card, or picking up a knick knack that made you think of me.  Soooo, when my birthday isn't acknowledged with a card or a gift, I feel unloved.  I know it's not reasonable or rational.  It doesn't even sound very grown-up, but its how I feel.  Until now...
I have recognized it for what it is - the bad and the ugly.  So now I refuse to wallow in it.  This birthday, the thought occured to me that instead of judging my friendships and my marriage by this one day a year, I should consider the merits of the relationship the other 364 days a year.  Now THAT puts things in perspecitive.  I have the blessing of a kind, commited husband; fun, loyal friends; generous and engaged parents, and sweet sisters.  I'm going to try to remember this when September 25 comes around again, and live in gratitude for the people in my life. 

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